Freaks Anonymous

So a few years back my dear sister celebrated her 21st birthday.  We had a party at Dan’s parents house.  Things got crazy, as they normally do when I’m around.  In addition to tearing it up on American Idol with the PS2….seriously if you die before hearing me sing total eclipse of the heart…you have missed out;  i was striking many awesome poses.  My sister took this picture…what it fails to capture is the cake, what i was making that clearly super ecstatic face for….

Well then, she decided that after tagging me in this picture she should tag me in the next one….stating that it was also me…rude…

I first I tried fighting it, but when it was my 21st birthday i was striking a pose and when i finally got around to uploading the photos I came to terms with my true self….And with halloween coming up quickly I decided to embrace it.  Plus this whole vampire/ bat thing is so in right now…talk around town is i’m actually replacing Kristen Stewart in the next Twilight Series movie.  So enjoy.

mom, you should be so proud of my good looks.

I’m am an avid skeptic of breaks.  I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a break situation or had a friend who was, but when they are in a relationship and they go on a break.  To me it’s just a few steps away from a break up, i mean really it’s always been my philosophy that if you can deal with someone when they are at their complete worst, you don’t deserve them at their best.  However, I feel like my thoughts on breaks have changed….

I think everyone needs to go on breaks, regularly, with themselves.  I am currently on a break with myself.  You see, I was getting all in my face about how I wasn’t doing this or that good enough, a lot of insults and putdowns and it just was time to take a break and really think about the relationship.  I might sound crazy, but to be honest I think it is super important to go on frequent breaks with yourself, where you just kind of step back, out of yourself and just be.  For some people it’s music, others its working out, everyone has their own thing, but i really do think we are all our hardest critics and until we give ourselves permission to be as fabulous and fun as we are, we won’t be, because there are so many stressors that can weigh us down and keep us from just checking out.  I literally will listen to the FIFA world cup song by Herbert Gronnemeyer and go completely out of myself.  I go nuts, the people at the gym think i have some sort of tourettes syndrome cuz i do kind of sing it, but they probably shouldn’t be concerned until i go all brandy chestaine at the gym…

Ahh crap, I’m calling, I gotta take this, I think the break’s over

So I bit the bullet and headed back to the gym…urgh.  This phase in the past will last like 1 week before i make an excuse for being too busy…But this time I’m committed.  I did my cardio and then headed down to the weight area….and if i’m honest i will admit that i have the upper body strength of an infant.  However, yesterday I started with the lower body…and I was impressed!  For my entire childhood my life was consumed with soccer, you do know that Sheboygan says soccer, right?  Well anyways I had abnormally muscular and strong legs, i probably could have kicked a hole in a wall if i felt like, which is opposite to my mother’s upper body strength….she can punch holes in doors. i saw it.  Anyways, i haven’t played soccer since i was a sophomore in H.S.  I got a job, quit soccer and whatever.  So i kind of figured that I my leg strength would match my upper body strength and I would have to revert to those little chairs that infants sit in and they can roll around floors.  WRONG.  I got to 270 lbs on this leg press machine and today I am 0 percent sore.  So here’s the catch, I’m going to workout again today, and I’m going to become either:

a) american gladiator

b) usc fighter

c) east german body builder

They all sound good to me, although i guess i have to become east german to accomplish the last one.  but i figure some testosterone and steriods and i’ll just fit right in.

This week has been pretty good, except i haven’t been sleeping very well at all, most nights i only get 4 hours of sleep….and if you know me, you know this is a problem, i need approximately 14 hours of sleep a night to be nice.  I’m thinking it’s because of my pillows, because everyday my neck is hurting so much, putting ice and hot packs on my neck is pretty much my full time job, plus i’ve created a neck brace out of my little roll pillow that is also a little bear, i look like a giant nerd, oh well though, its not like i wear it out….

Anyways, last night i was sitting at home minding my own business icing my neck when i get a txt message.  It is from one of my friends and asks what i’m doing, in bosnian.  When I was in high school i became acquainted with the bosnian population of my city, plus Armin, Katie’s ex-fiance was bosnian, so i was around it kinda often.  I still keep in touch with quite of few of them, so I know some.  I mostly know just little things here and there, just basic stuff.  But my friend who texted me apparently decided that after decades of me saying i’d learn it, it was time for me to actually do what i was saying i would….I was able to respond to how i am doing and asked how he was…after that…i had nooo clue what he was saying.  Then my response texts were “okay i know ja means i, i know sta means what, i know ti means you.  so i’ve got what i you….yeah idk what you are saying.”  Thankfully one of the first things i taught myself in bosnian and one of the staples of every conversation was the phrase i don’t understand  and how do you say that in english well he continues to text me and i’ve started forwarding his texts to my other bosnian friends to translate it…probably not gonna learn it this way, but oh well

It’s actually kind of wierd that last night this whole bosnian immersion thing happened, because Erica and I are planning a fun filled day and it actually involves going to Ilija’s which is a bosnian restaurant and enjoying the cevapi!!  Other plans include possibly the pumpkin farm, showing her where the hidden krispy kreme is located and then at night going out with a big group

I’m just hoping that my neck isn’t bothering me, cuz otherwise all of these things might kind of suck.

This last weekend was fun-ish…

Let me explain, i was having a fantastic time, enjoying taco dip, brownies, pizza, old friends…..and then it happened, i was conned into going downstairs and playing wii.  I have to say my most high tech equipment is my n64, and i am happy with it, this interactive business…well it’s nonsense.  And as for me being allowed to play games with people, it doesn’t normally happen.  I am very competitive and it generally doesn’t end well for anyone involved.  For example, I played some game where the point is to take over the world, i have no idea what it was called, and i was playing it with Evan, Katie, and Armin…keep in mind this was about three years ago, I convinced Evan to be my allied force, which ended up being me screwing him over and him helping me.  He was 9 i think and had no idea that i was the one behind him losing…and then Katie told him what i had done, and i started losing, and then i threw the board across the room….so no one could win.  Don’t even ask about pass the bomb…

Well anyways we started playing the wii with wii sports resort or something and dan asked me if i wanted to swordfight?? i don’t even know what that means, but i said okay…and guess what, i was AMAZING at it.  Unfortunately some people were hurt during this game…I punched my mom in the arm and i also hit my friend Melissa.  Neither of these were out of rage, it seems that when playing wii i see NOTHING else and move closer and closer to my opponent till i physically hit them…so sorry!  actually, if you look at the picture you see the way my mom is holding her arm…that’s cuz dan captured this shot of me hitting her!

In addition to the injuries other people suffered I have severely pulled a muscle in my arm.  Don’t ask me how, cuz i have no freaking clue, i’ve been heating/icing my arm, taking pain meds, pretty much anything and everything….and yet my arm still hurts….i’m sooo close to contacting the makers of wii and suing them for my injuries…i suggest Melissa and my mom do the same

For those of you who don’t know me that well, or haven’t had the pleasure of being around me a lot, i tend to have a little bit of a temper.  I usually only unleash my temper on the people i love most ( love you :] sorry for screaming in your face)  or when i’m driving.  But we won’t get into my road rage here, i feel like it is a healthy release to scream at people on the road.  Anyways I’m trying this thing where i’m not a complete butthead.  And let me tell you it is rough…for example i didn’t yell when katie put the hard boiled eggs under the sweet tea when i told her it leaks and the eggs were drowned in sweet tea…and they had cracks.  However i did scream when i walked into my living room after class to find a bag of cookies eaten except for one.  And when i asked where they went she said, “we ate them.”  Uhhh no, WE did not, I was in class YOU were eating the cookies….there was much more yelling involved. Mostly cuz i was planning on eating cookies for dinner.  Anyways I’ve found pretty much any rage filled situation can be diffused by putting in the  Sound of Music or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang…so pretty much I’m at the same spot i was when i was 3.  And mom, believe me if i still had that bean bag katie could probably take a picture of me asleep after throwing a major temper tantrum…

But seriously though, the biggest issue with me is probably I let it slide and let it slide until the tiniest little thing will just set me off, don’t get me wrong, i’m not the hulk where i turn green and rip my shirt. i’m more the cookie monster

I’ve been so blaaahh lately.  I don’t know how to explain it other than blaaaaaaaaaah.  I always felt a sort of drive behind everything i did, i was so driven to do everything wonderfully and i knew that i could do anything…but now its kinda gone.  One day i just woke up and said to myself it’s not looking too good for you, you really aren’t THAT smart, you don’t have THAT good of a future ahead of you, the list goes on and on.  I’m trying to pull myself out of this pit, but it’s rough, especially when you take a little fall down from the cloud you had your head in, everything seems so bleak.  I wish I could go back to when I did everything in school perfectly without any effort, cuz right now I’m feeling like even with effort i’m pretty much screwed…

Everyday I wake up hoping feeling less and less inspired, like maybe i should just bite the bullet and start back at mcdonalds…

ick.  I gotta get outta this funk.

Due to some major backlash of my lack of presence this upcoming weekend I have been placed on a slap list.  Now I’m not one to judge since I often threaten people with punching them in the throat, but I do not feel like I deserve this particular slap, here’s why:

• My sister already broke my nose when i was a little kid, it’s already crooked, so anymore physical trauma to my face could leave me without a nose, or worse Michael Jackson’s nose, and let’s face it, no one wants that.
• I did take my Uncle Ron to the Cheese Palace.  I don’t really think there is anymore explanation necessary to how amazing that is.
• I one time ate a bar of soap at Jim’s urging, if that’s not love for your uncle, i honestly don’t know what is….mmmmmm bath and body works peach soap from florida soooo good.
• I know pretty much every single fact and word to the sound of music.
• When my family had our first church family portrait instead of wearing the flowered dress my mom bought for me so we’d all match, i wore my navy blue striped dress, just to be cool, and make her mad. ps it worked.
• I used to wear a SAYSO(Sheboygan says soccer) jersey everyday of the week.  Different colors.  Everyone was jealous of my style.
• I almost started, then prevented a fire on my sister’s patio…i’m pretty much a volunteer fire fighter.
• When I was in first grade I played mother nature in our earth day play, i was waaaaay ahead of the go green thing, i also own part of the rainforest to save it, i bought it through baking brownies!!  angelina jolie doesn’t have crap on me.
• In my german club’s nativity scene I played the Virgin Mary, you cannot slap Virgin Mary, it’s what we catholics call a cardinal sin, and the pope will drop kick you.  (I also sang a very beautiful Silent Night, it’s all on video, so people can say they witnessed me before i was famous)
• We have some family friends in Germany named Holger and Sepp, they are big brooding germans who drink beverages that are on fire.  I don’t wanna know what they’d do if i was slapped.
• I take One A day vitamins and calcium, if i dont lose my nose, you make break your hand on jaw of steel.
• And lastly but not least, who would wanna slap this punim?
• 

So my first day at school was less than desirable.  Let me just say that it started out great, Erica came and picked me up and we enjoyed some starbucks for our first big day not living together, wierd.  But the sun was shining and we had high spirits, we parked her car next to our old house for old times sake and then walked to our bus stop and went to school.   From there things get bad.  Accounting class i share with a boy who i would classify as the world’s largest tool.  He and i had an english class together, and we were in a group project, i ended up doing about 95% of the work…uncool. but  then he kept in contact with me during summer, constant contact.  and he was in my class this morning.  I came early so i could find a seat not by him and surrounded myself with strangers and then he sat behind me. perfect.  and tonight he texted me asking me to study with him…not only that but he feels comfortable commenting on my fb statuses and then having conversations with people he doesn’t know, when i want to tell him to jump off a bridge.  He drives me insane and i don’t know how to send that message clearly to him, cuz nothing i do does it…..

well anyways then i went to my two other classes, went fine.  but then i boarded the bus to head home to do homework, i got on the bus and as i pulled out my bus pass my driver’s liscense, my credit card, my starbucks reward card and my student id flew out onto the floor bus.  first of all, puke. people walk in public bathrooms, in animal poop and pee, and other grossness (which is why all people are required to take their shoes off outside my door) and i had to touch where that goes.  plus there was like 5 people behind me waiting to board the bus, so in my embarrassment i scurried on the floor picking up my things, when i rushed back up to move ahead i hit my head on the bar by the coin thing on the bus, HAARD.  it hurt really bad and then the bus driver said “oh sweetie that was rough did it hurt?” and rubbed my head.  I don’t on a regular basis like to be touched.  I mean i have people that it’s ok for them to touch me, like friends, family, but there are times when i reeeeeeally just don’t even like to be touched by anyone.  Let me sidetrack for a moment when we were at Buca’s and people kept rubbing up against me as they walked through the crowd, i wanted to beat someone and this is a frequent occurence for me, let’s just say clubs and concerts are not a fabulous idea for me.  Well anyways i just walked away from the bus driver sat in the back of the bus and cried.

I then got off the bus just wanting a quick nap and to maybe destress and decrankify myself.  I get to my floor and i see blankets outside my door…and two men in my apartment.  Let me rephrase, two old sweaty, smelly men in my apartment, otherwise i would have been pleasantly surprised.  They were replacing my windows and the entire contents of my apartment had sawdust on them and the drills and sanders and whatever the crap window people use were running, so i laid my concussed self on the bed and just stared at them.

I was a really pleasant girl today.

Dear University,

I wanna start out telling you that at the beginning of our going on 4 year relationship things seemed very promising.  But you’ve turned into a tool.  It seems like as time goes by you keep on making me spend more and more money just to spend time with you.  I am not interested in dragging this out longer than necessary, I feel like it is time we cut our ties and do it quickly as possible.  But every person I go to for advice about you keeps telling me I’m in for a longer haul with you.  This is unacceptable, you make me wanna puke all over your face.  I wanna leave you, you are so abusive to me and it is becoming ever apparent you are stealing my money.  I just thought you would like to know in the upcoming year i plan on leaving you for another university, somewhere far away from you.  I never want to hear from you after i leave.  Don’t call me, or email me, i don’t want to donate to you, because once again, i think you suck.

Leave me alone butthead,

sincerely,

katie